


The shape of you against me

by singilu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-13 08:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11181108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singilu/pseuds/singilu
Summary: The shape of you against me, Baekhyun/Chanyeol, PG-13, 18.621 words-au, soulmates- Baekhyun knows the shape of his mark a little too well to notice his soulmate doesn't need one to fit him seamlessly- written forSOULMATES AU WEEK- RIHA IS MY SAVIOR, WHO HAS MY ENDLESS LOVE FOR STICKING WITH ME THROUGH THIS





	The shape of you against me

"Is everything alright?" Chanyeol asks the moment Baekhyun steps inside his apartment. Baekhyun hangs his head and tiptoes out of his shoes. Chanyeol knows him too well. Baekhyun doesn't want to tell him that he had another meeting at the Agency because Chanyeol, despite trying his best to be supportive, doesn't like Baekhyun going there, but...Chanyeol is looking at him intently and once Baekhyun gets it out, he will feel better because he won't be hiding things from his best friend. He might also get a back rub out of it. And the faster he spills, the sooner Chanyeol can stop staring, checking him over for any apparent damage.

"Had another failed meeting at the Agency," he says, shuffling his way towards the kitchen. "They're really desperate for my money. I think it's time to try another one."

Baekhyun expects Chanyeol to come up behind him while he pours himself a glass of water, give him a hug or ruffle his hair. But there's nothing, the apartment so quiet all of a sudden one could hear a pin drop. Baekhyun turns around, and Chanyeol is standing in the doorway to his kitchen, looking at Baekhyun with sad eyes, biting his lip.

"Don't..." Baekhyun starts, but trails off. Chanyeol looks so disappointed in him, so resigned. Usually he's so much better at hiding how much he disapproves.

"I think it's time to stop going to the Agencies all together," Chanyeol says in the end, shoulders dropping. He already looks regretful, unhappy about having voiced his thoughts out loud. Baekhyun squares his shoulders, ignores the pang he feels at Chanyeol not understanding.

"Please, what would I spend all my extra cash on then?" Baekhyun asks. He catches himself running his fingers over a small heart shaped birthmark on the inside of his left wrist. Lately, sometimes, it itches. Baekhyun's googled it though, very aware of it and so hopeful for a moment, yet again, but apparently it's not one of the known signs of your soulmate being somewhere in your close vicinity. It must just be Baekhyun imagining it. Chanyeol's eyes drop to his wrist but quickly dart away. He finally moves, stepping around Baekhyun and opening his fridge.

"Is curry good with you?" he asks, pulling out carrots and potatoes already. Chanyeol understands Baekhyun so well, knows all his tells, knows all his habits and quirks and preferences, his comfort foods.

The inside of Chanyeol's left wrist is pale and perfectly smooth, markless. There are things he will never understand, after all.

 

Rationally, Baekhyun knows Chanyeol is right. They don't really talk about it anymore, but the few times they did, Chanyeol laid down the arguments very carefully, so logically. Baekhyun's soulmate could be across the world and chances of them actually meeting are low. It's not wise to keep hoping after so many years of trying; statistics are clear. He should try and date someone else. There's a perfectly good chance that he'd fall in love and be happy. People live meaningful, content lives without their other halves ever since the beginning of the history. Your life isn't less valuable without a soulmate. You should be your own destiny maker. Why should you rely on some inexplicable twist of nature that makes certain people more perfect for each other? There is more than one person out there that you could be happy with, and that person is probably close by and it doesn't take all your savings to find. Soulmates have become somewhat of a business, a blown-up bubble of made-up promises. Baekhyun could afford a better apartment, could afford a more lavish vacation than just a weekend spent with Chanyeol, fixing up the run down house he inherited after his grandparents, the only thing he refuses to sell for the sake of looking for his soulmate. Baekhyun could spend more time with his friends, and he could afford to eat all the strawberry cakes in this city if he just stopped giving all his money to Agencies promising to find his soulmate with nothing more than a tiny birthmark shaped like a sloppy heart to lead them.

But Baekhyun's grandparents were soulmates that found each other. They were the happiest people Baekhyun remembers meeting. Only Chanyeol comes close sometimes, but he seems to be just built differently than everyone else, always trying to smile, always positive, always the energy anyone around him needs. Always there for Baekhyun too, to pick him up off the ground, cooking for him even if Chanyeol has been upset with him, for maybe a minute, then letting Baekhyun flop down to the couch with his head in Chanyeol's lap.

Tonight, too, Chanyeol keeps running fingers through Baekhyun's hair, telling stories about his day, sharing funny anecdotes that happened on and off air on the radio. Still Baekhyun wants to feel the same thing that was behind the gentle smiles of his grandparents, behind their secretive glances that made him wonder if they knew everything the other thought without speaking. He wants to experience that amazing way they were in sync, in their step and all reactions, the way they lived for each other, so incredibly happy and shining in each other's company, peaceful. Baekhyun's just restless and discontent, hoping his soulmate would finally ground him. If you know there's a perfect half of you somewhere out there, how could you ever feel whole?

Everyone says that those with soulmates are lucky, that having your wrist marked is a blessing. As Chanyeol snores lightly, head tipped back against the headrest of his couch, his hand heavy now in Baekhyun's hair, Baekhyun wonders if maybe Chanyeol isn't the lucky one. He can mold with someone to create the perfect fit. Chanyeol might believe that the same is possible for all, for Baekhyun too, but Baekhyun's never been such a fool. He has to keep searching for the one half he'd been shaped for from the start.

 

"Ah, this one is interesting, and it's for Chanyeol-ssi. You should answer it," Chanyeol's guest, a musical actress who has been flirting with him the entire show, says. Baekhyun snorts, wonders if someone's asked Chanyeol about the color of his underwear yet again. The draft he should be editing has stayed mostly untouched since Chanyeol's afternoon show started, but once a week, Baekhyun indulges. Chanyeol's only on air twice a week now, Tuesday afternoons, and Sunday late nights. He works more behind the scene now, produces two more shows on the radio, so Baekhyun doesn't want to miss the time to listen to him like this.

"Ah," Chanyeol laughs, but Baekhyun thinks it's a little uneasy. Maybe the actress is making eyes at him. Girls being blatantly interested has always made Chanyeol flustered.

"I'll read it for you," the actress singsongs. "Chanyeol-ssi always sounds so cheerful and positive and laughs a lot. I feel he is a very happy person, so I wonder if perhaps he has a soulmate."

Baekhyun, who has been playing with the cursor on his PC screen, freezes a little.

"Of course I have a soulmate," Chanyeol starts, sounding dead serious all of a sudden. "Actually, I think I have at least three." The actress makes a shocked noise. "There's my noona, who even looks so much like me, who knows my heart the best, understands my motivations and whom I always want to be close to, even if she always beats me in billiards when we go to play." Now the actress is cooing. "Then there's Sehunnie, who's lived close to my house since he was born and who tries to act cool, but has the softest heart, and is always there for a night picnic by the Han River and who lets me slip into his booth and mess up his sets no matter how good the club where he plays is. With Sehun it's comfortable even if we're silent together. And of course there's Baekhyunnie, my best friend since college, with whom it isn't quiet even when he sleeps, because he yips like a puppy then, but he makes my heart at ease. We really clicked when we met, we've done tons of foolish stuff together since then, but he also takes good care of me. So see I'm really lucky," Chanyeol finishes.

"Ah Chanyeol-ssi cheated us all," the actress says lightly, and Chanyeol only laughs.

Someone knocks on Baekhyun's door, and a new intern comes in with the coffee Baekhyun asked for like an hour ago. She smiles apologetically, but Baekhyun only nods. As she drops the cup onto his messy desk, he glances towards her left wrist. It's almost an instinct by now. He sees nothing however, so he forces himself to focus on his work again, shutting down the on-line radio player mid-show.

 

"So how did it feel to have Chanyeol proclaim his love for you on a public broadcast?" Jongdae asks, when he and Baekhyun meet up for a quick coffee two days later. He's smirking at Baekhyun over the rim of his cup.

"Shut up. He was just being an idiot as always," Baekhyun says, kicking Jongdae under the table just as Jongdae sips from his cup, because, yes, he can stoop that low, and relishes in Jongdae's chin and white shirt being a mess. He looks quickly around, but Chanyeol's late.

"He called you his _soulmate_ ," Jongdae says anyway.

"Yes, as he did with Sehun and Yoora," Baekhyun says exasperatedly.

Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him but then stuffs his face with cake instead of saying more.

"Sorry I'm late," Baekhyun hears behind them, and he almost jumps from his seat. Chanyeol laughs, the sound rich and deep, slapping Baekhyun's shoulder and squeezing around him into an empty seat, and Baekhyun slowly exhales, relaxes. Jongdae slides the coffee they got Chanyeol across to him.

"Aren't you hot in that hoodie?" he asks, and Chanyeol just shrugs.

"So why was Baekhyun glaring at you like that? Why will I be plotting your murder later on?" he asks instead. Jongdae's next smirk is lethal.

"He was berating Jongin's latest book for the cheesy happy ending," Baekhyun quickly jumps in. "He's just sour Amber doesn't want to give him his own."

Chanyeol hums, looking suspicious, but lets it go. He pats Jongdae, consolingly. "One day, she will see your qualities beyond the best bro she ever had, I'm sure. I'm cheering you on," he says.

Jongdae's so unimpressed that Baekhyun has to snort. "I don't want love advice from you."

Chanyeol just smiles wider. "Fighting," he says, all his teeth showing.

Before Jongdae tries to strangle him, Baekhyun gets up. "We have to go, Chanyeol. That is if you're still coming along," he says.

"Yes, I am. I want to make sure it's not another scam you're getting yourself into. Or you know, not too obvious of a scam."

Baekhyun only winks at him. "Don't worry. I love me a good scam or two."

 

Agencies come in all shapes and sizes, from cold, clinical looking places where you feel like you're in some lab, to cramped offices filled with cut-out paper hearts and cheesy love quotes on the walls. Somewhere in between them, there's plenty of those that take your money for the registration, take one flimsy picture of your mark and never contact you again. There are those that will make you meet your guaranteed soulmate at least once a week, taking more money for setting up meetings with people whose marks don't look remotely close to yours. There are those that try to sell you someone with a mark tattooed on their wrist and threaten lawsuit when you dare to disagree about that person being your soulmate, wanting the bonus for being successful at all costs.

Baekhyun almost prefers them, has a theory that one day, by pure chance he'd stumble upon his soulmate in of these places, because for sure his soulmate must be at least a bit like him, must be searching for their lost half just as frantically as Baekhyun, must be as crazy about it as Baekhyun. On top of that, the disappointment of meeting a potential candidate that turns out to be a fail after all in one of the serious Agencies is almost too big to bear, especially now that Chanyeol doesn't drag his feet to those meetings with him anymore, at least not as often as he used to, mostly because Baekhyun stopped reporting about them until after it's over. Chanyeol might hide things well, but the absolute discomfort has become obvious to Baekhyun over the years. Who is he to make Chanyeol go through this all the time?

But now they're walking through clean offices of a moderate sized Agency, walls lined with pretty pictures of successfully found soulmates. The lady talking to them is kind and not too cheerful. Chanyeol keeps gripping his left wrist, like someone's going to grab for it and pull his sleeve up to check it any minute now. Baekhyun just can't wait to get the pictures of his own taken, from at least five angles the lady explains, and entered into the database.

They sit quietly, Baekhyun trying to keep his fidgeting to minimum, and only managing to stop the tapping of his foot when Chanyeol puts a warm palm over his thigh. The lady explains the system, talks about how they have an international database, cooperate with Agencies in over twenty countries, how they check their authenticity as well as the authenticity of the pictures as to not drag the candidates to a meeting with low rate of success. She takes at least a dozen pictures of Baekhyun's mark and chooses the ones she will enter carefully. When they are done, she smiles warmly at him. The contract is signed, the registration fee charged to Baekhyun's bank account astronomic.

"I'm sure we'll be able to help you," she says, handing him his reference number. "And what about you, young man?" she turns to Chanyeol. Chanyeol's hand slides away from Baekhyun's thigh, and Baekhyun almost grabs for it to stay. Chanyeol rubs a thumb over the inside of his left wrist and shakes his head.

"Ah, well if anything changes," the lady says, not waiting for more, and slides her card to him. "I'm sure we're the right place for it."

The theory is that just like birthmarks, the love ones can appear at any time in your life. It has been widely recognized that they definitely appear regularly in the span of years when the body grows, and in Korean men, this is usually until about twenty-five years old at the latest. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are both in their late twenties, and Chanyeol had stopped growing by the time they enlisted. Love marks appearing later than that are considered a bit of a freak of nature, a glitch in a glitch, and Baekhyun thinks it's pretty ironic. An anomaly that proves the rule. Chanyeol is already standing and shaking hands with the lady, like he's in some business meeting with foreigners. The lady is still charmed. She waves kindly at Baekhyun, and Baekhyun has to practically run after Chanyeol on his way out.

Once outside the building, Chanyeol turns on his heel, his shoulders suddenly much less stiff. "This is the last one. Baekhyun. Promise me," he says, evenly.

"Promise," Baekhyun says cheerfully. They both know he doesn't mean it. Why does Chanyeol have to always ask? Baekhyun doesn't like breaking his promises. "Now let me buy you an ice cream. You must be melting in all those extra clothes."

 

 

Chanyeol is late, and Baekhyun never actually carries the key to his apartment, even if he's had it ever since Chanyeol moved in.

"Here, for emergencies. So that when I die, someone finds me before there's nothing left of me," Chanyeol said as he detached one of the three keys from the keyring his landlord had handed him just minutes ago. Baekhyun took it and chased Chanyeol around the first couple of boxes, knocking over his DVD collection.

"You better not die first, Park Chanyeol, I do not want to mourn you," he shouted. Chanyeol laughed, teased Baekhyun about liking him too much. In retrospect it wasn't too funny.

Baekhyun hid the key in his childhood treasure box, underneath Taeyeon's signed photo card he stood in line to get in high school, right next to the condom he stole from Baekbeom's wallet when he was fourteen, on top of the first picture on which Baekhyun can recognize his love mark, sitting on the kitchen counter, with chocolate everywhere, showing off his dirty hands because he got to his mother's chocolate icing before she managed to decorate his fifth birthday cake. Baekhyun doesn't truly want to use it, though he always checks whether the key is there, when he goes to add a name to the list of his not-really-soulmates. There will be no emergencies with Chanyeol. Chanyeol has become one of the few elements of Baekhyun's life that he doesn't plan on changing anytime soon. Or ever.

Now Baekhyun slides down the wall, sits crosslegged on the floor and waits for Chanyeol. He texts Jongdae useless love advice and plays Candy Crush until he loses all his lives. He finds a new email notification after that, and it's an email with a potential meetup information from the Agency. Baekhyun scrolls down the information and pictures, but realizes he remembers meeting this person before. They never ask about previous attempts, and Baekhyun doesn't think he could give the long list to anyone; it feels too jarring, to have it perused and typed up. It's better off in his box, where the letters slowly fade away even if they are etched into pieces of Baekhyun's broken heart and incomplete soul. It seems like he won't even have to write a new name this time. He spaces out a bit, sliding his thumb up and down the e-mail.

"What's so fascinating that you are staring like that?" comes Chanyeol's voice all of a sudden, and Chanyeol is towering over him. Baekhyun quickly slides the screen with the email away.

"Jongdae's misfortunes," he replies. Chanyeol is already offering him a hand to pull him up. "What took you so long?"

"Sehun is a sore looser, he kept wanting rematches," Chanyeol says, then adds a little guiltily. "I lost track of time." He's still in his basketball gear, complete with worn out basketball sneakers he can't give up and a sweat wristband, conveniently on his left wrist. Always the left wrist. Baekhyun's pretty sure Chanyeol started wearing watches just because he could wear them on his left hand and didn't have to explain. He kind of gets it though, as guilty as he is of always checking other people's wrists. Who wouldn't want Chanyeol to be their soulmate?

Baekhyun jumps up and down to get his tight jeans to slide back down his shins where they've ridden up. "Then hurry up and get yourself presentable. We'll miss my favorite band." He reaches up to ruffle Chanyeol's sweaty hair, swipes his fringe off his forehead. Chanyeol smiles goofily at him and unlocks his door.

"Next time just use your key," he throws over his shoulder before he disappears into the shower.

 

Baekhyun has come out with the intention of listening to his favorite live band and getting laid. Chanyeol is a good wingman, always keeps the sleazy people away. Sometimes he kind of glares at the not sleazy ones too, but Baekhyun thinks it's mostly cute, and it's not like there won't be another chance. Only today, somehow there's a couple next to them, holding hands and dancing and giving each other these glances and Baekhyun's reminded of his grandparents so urgently as he watches them. Chanyeol keeps distracting him, praising the band, pinching Baekhyun's side playfully to get him to jump and cheer with him, and in the end, just putting a big glass of beer into Baekhyun's hand.

"Loosen up," he mutters, sneaking a hand around his shoulders and pulling Baekhyun to his side. Like this, Baekhyun feels the energy running through Chanyeol, feels the way Chanyeol's body moves as he taps his leg to the rhythm. It's easier this way to focus on that and on the singer's clear voice, on the good bass line they have going on.

Three beers later, Baekhyun's loose and the couple is mostly forgotten, but now he's too drunk to want to pick up someone. He settles instead on dancing around Chanyeol, like he's some pole, making him laugh and try to keep Baekhyun in one place, so maybe they could really dance together. Chanyeol looks good like this, in his plain white shirt and blue jeans, nape shining with a bit of sweat and eyes dancing with the club lights. Maybe Baekhyun should just pick Chanyeol up one of these days. Only he knows that's not a good idea. He circles Chanyeol again, swinging high on his toes to bump their bottoms together, and he feels more than hears Chanyeol laugh loudly again as he slides his palm over Baekhyun's back and side.

"Don't hurt yourself, Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol says, finally grabbing Baekhyun by his neck, his secret weapon, and leading him to the bar again. Baekhyun shrieks but then goes willingly.

"One more beer, then take me home?" he says. Chanyeol shows him all his teeth and nods.

"I'll take care of you."

Baekhyun's wrist itches, like it has been all night, and as he smiles back up at Chanyeol he finds himself scratching it again. Chanyeol mimics him, fingers sneaking underneath his watch. The leather band is probably uncomfortable against his sweaty skin.

 

Movie nights at Chanyeol usually have two parts. First comes the part when there's not enough space on the couch and barely enough on the floor, as Sehun, Jongdae, Amber, and Soojung pile in. Sometimes Jongin joins them because he's much more than just Baekhyun's favorite job by now. He also secretly likes Soojung, and maybe Chanyeol, he just can't figure out who he likes more. In his best interest, Baekhyun hopes it's Soojung because Chanyeol's like a rock. He talks about falling in love with anyone he wants all the time, but Baekhyun hasn't seen him go on a date or notice when someone flirts with him in so long that he doesn't even remember Chanyeol's type anymore. Probably short; there was that short violent guy, Kyungsoo maybe, in college, he thinks. Recently, Sehun has been dragging a new instructor from his dance studio along, too, a man named Yixing, only to crawl into his lap like it's normal. At least that way they don't take too much space, and Yixing honestly doesn't seem to mind too much. They end up arguing about what to watch and always outvoting Baekhyun's choice.

They all pile out of Chanyeol's apartment sometimes close to midnight, to leave Baekhyun behind. He doesn't even have to pout anymore to get Chanyeol to put his choice of a movie on then. It's glorious to watch it on Chanyeol's huge screen that Chanyeol always rolls out for these events. That's the second part of Chanyeol's movie nights, just the two of them slumping on the couch between half eaten bowls of snacks, adlibbing dialogue when it gets too boring or dramatic, sometimes falling asleep in the middle, someone's head on someone's lap or shoulder. It's Baekhyun's favorite part, even if he usually wakes up with a crick in his neck the next day.

 

It's not what wakes Baekhyun up to this time though. It's barely light outside, so they can't have been asleep for too long. But Baekhyun feels strange, a shiver running through him and the pads of his fingers tingling. Somehow they rearranged themselves on the couch to lie on their sides, and Chanyeol has one hand over Baekhyun's waist to keep him from falling off it. His other hand is trapped under Baekhyun, and still kind of hanging of the couch, and it must be practically dead by now. Their legs are tangled, and it probably looks kind of intimate only they've done this so many times, in cramped dorms, in stuffy beach inns, and later on couches in their apartments, that for Baekhyun, it's normal.

It's just that he doesn't feel normal. He feels his heart racing weirdly, about to beat out of his chest. Maybe he had a weird dream. But should a weird dream leave his toes curling? Should he feel like he wants to press his back more against Chanyeol's chest, should he want to mold into Chanyeol this much? There have been moments before, but Baekhyun's been always able to push the urges away, quickly. Chanyeol's still sleeping, his breath hot on Baekhyun's neck, but causing goosebumps. Baekhyun doesn't know what he needs to do to stop feeling like this, like walls are collapsing on him, but not in a bad way? Not in a good way either. He's nervous and disoriented. He pokes Chanyeol's hand that is pressing into his ribs underneath him. It dangles a little, and it looks painful. It's Chanyeol's left hand, watch free and sleeveless for an unguarded moment when his sleeve got rolled up in their sleep and because this was an evening with just the closest of friends.

Baekhyun's vision blurs for a moment. He tries to rub the white spots out of his eyes. His heart stops just for a second, before it starts again, even more frantic even if Baekhyun didn't think that was possible. The inside of Chanyeol's wrist isn't what Baekhyun remembers it to be. It isn't empty. The mark is sloppy, but clearly a heart. Baekhyun knows the shape of it all too well. Tears well up in his eyes without him having any command, and he's shivering, barely managing to turn around. He lifts enough to slide Chanyeol's arm from beneath his own body, cradling it between them, Chanyeol's wrist close to Baekhyun's heart. Baekhyun's body vibrates with everything, and he's trying so hard to catch up to the whirlwind inside him. Chanyeol scrunches his face in his sleep, his eyes barely closed, as they always are, and Baekhyun finds himself leaning forward and kissing one of his eyelids and then the other.

There have been cases of real partners suddenly finding themselves with marks. There was a theory that if people love each other strongly, their souls find each other's shape perfect. It was never proven. There was never enough evidence, the research always spoiled by realistic tattoos of people who wanted it to be real. Chanyeol should be too old to just grow a love mark. Yet, there it is, and it's real, the edges a bit distorted, just like Baekhyun's. And besides, Baekhyun can feel it, in his core, the pull unmistakable, his stomach in knots from anticipation and joy. He kisses across Chanyeol's cheek. It makes no sense how good it feels to brush his lips against Chanyeol's skin, how nicely it burns against Chanyeol's stubble.

Chanyeol's eyes open when Baekhyun sucks lightly at the skin of his jaw. He blinks down at Baekhyun, confused, and Baekhyun doesn't wait. He kisses Chanyeol, even if they both taste like garlic chips and beer. Chanyeol kisses back, his eyes wide, but his mouth warm and eager. Baekhyun's so hungry for this kiss. He presses closer to Chanyeol, slides his hand against his ribs. Chanyeol gasps and Baekhyun manages a wet smile, nipping at Chanyeol's bottom lip.

"Soulmate," he murmurs.

Chanyeol freezes, the light going out in his eyes. Suddenly, he's pressing himself to the backrest, somehow managing to put space between them. He's frantically clutching his left wrist, the thumb of his right hand going white from it. He looks scared.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun feels his stomach drop. The fear spreads through him as fast as fire.

Baekhyun has always known. That Chanyeol likes him, is in love with him. Chanyeol has never said anything, but Baekhyun isn't as blind as everyone seems to think. Definitely not about this, not when Chanyeol is his best friend too, someone who Baekhyun met in college and within five minutes of speaking they knew they wanted to room together next year. Baekhyun may know that even Kyungsoo was just an attempt at giving up. Yes, Chanyeol liked him, the concept of him, of someone else than Baekhyun and of them being good for each other. But Chanyeol has been looking at Baekhyun like he looks at no one else for so long. How could Baekhyun not know.

Still, right now, Chanyeol looks like he hates Baekhyun more than anything. There's hurt written in the slope of his mouth and in the deep wrinkle between his brows.

"That's why you kissed me?" he asks.

Baekhyun manages a nod. "I mean--" His eyes are welling up with tears again, but these fall because of the dread heavy like lead in his stomach. "I wanted to?" he tries.

"Because we're soulmates now?"

Chanyeol knew. He must have known already, but somehow Baekhyun only noticed now. He wants to move closer, have Chanyeol touching him again, but Chanyeol's scrambling off the couch and far away. He clutches the t-shirt over his heart and quickly rolls the sleeves of his hoodie back down.

"I thought. But you..." Baekhyun doesn't understand the sadness Chanyeol seems to radiate.

"See, you knew. I know you knew, yet you never considered it. Not until now." Chanyeol's fists are clenched tight, but so are Baekhyun's. Why are they not kissing?

"Well, I was looking for my other half, but it's you and..." And now Baekhyun wants to kiss Chanyeol. But yesterday, he'd push such thoughts away, he'd tell himself he doesn't want that, that Chanyeol isn't right for him.

"Just because our souls match, that doesn't mean we love each other. That's not the same. It's not the same for me." Chanyeol takes another step back, hitting the wall. Baekhyun can see him shaking.

"But. I feel..." Baekhyun tries to explain the joy, the elation, at finding a soulmate--yes. But at finding it's Chanyeol too, someone who already understands Baekhyun the best. Or did understand. Until now, perhaps.

" _You_ don't really love me. You love the idea of me, of your soulmate. I can't...it's not enough. Not anymore." Chanyeol has tears running down his cheeks and over his chin now too. Baekhyun wonders how he feels, if he feels the pull Baekhyun can't reign in to edge closer, to hold Chanyeol's hand, to kiss the inside of his wrist and to never be apart.

Chanyeol pushes himself off the wall, and for a moment Baekhyun hopes it's going to be fine. Chanyeol's going to come back to the couch and hug Baekhyun and soothe him, as he always does when Baekhyun's heart breaks.

Only it seems this time it's Chanyeol who is breaking it, and tearing his soul, too, just when it felt whole for the first time, for that short moment when Chanyeol gripped Baekhyun's waist as they kissed. Chanyeol grabs his keys off the dresser, slides into his basketball shoes and turns away, leaving Baekhyun all alone with the shreds of his heart and soul falling into crevices of Chanyeol's couch, too deep to be picked up. This time, Chanyeol runs.

 

Baekhyun cries, like he doesn't ever remember crying, thoughts too jumbled to make sense. Then he paces the apartment up and down, his head pounding from crying and the lack of sleep. He tries to call Chanyeol but discovers his phone, along with his wallet, on the dresser in the entrance. Chanyeol can't be too far away then, not with nothing on him like that, but Baekhyun's too afraid to go look for him, scared they'd miss each other and then Chanyeol wouldn't let him back in the apartment. He looked so ... Baekhyun feels new tears welling up in his eyes, feeling the hurt he saw in Chanyeol acutely, mixed with his own. So he stays, paces some more, until he can't anymore, curling on the couch and biting his fingers.

This is not how Baekhyun imagined his first meeting with his soulmate. That was supposed to be a happy thing. The picture was clear in his mind. Every time Baekhyun thought of his soulmate, he thought of endless smiles, of too much teeth and of ears as big as his. They'd look at each other, eyes meeting over the table, and smile sloppily, souls recognizing each other. They'd introduce each other, bow a little, and maybe joke about how their marks are just like them, a bit sloppy, cheerful and fun. They'd talk a bit about their current lives, exchange numbers, and look forward to the next meeting, look forward to getting to know each other and becoming close, perfect for each other.

With his soulmate it would be as easy as it was with Chanyeol, whom Baekhyun met sitting on the stairs outside their faculty building, both of them opening their packed lunches. Baekhyun checked Chanyeol's lunch and Chanyeol checked Baekhyun's, and then their eyes met, and Chanyeol was smiling, his eye twitching and it looked sloppy. Baekhyun smiled back, his best square one. Introductions were made. By the end of the lunch, they were making plans for seeing a live together, and Baekhyun had Chanyeol's number saved in his phone. Baekhyun digs his nails into his palms and wonders if he'd missed the signs all along because he was looking too hard, too blindly. He had surreptitiously checked Chanyeol's wrist when the other reached for the chopsticks that he'd put down to shake Baekhyun's hand.

Baekhyun wakes up again much later, still alone, when it's already dark outside. His sleep had been fitful, and his whole body aches. He's about to get up when he feels it. Then he hears it. Chanyeol opening the door to his apartment. Baekhyun stays still, lying on the couch, barely breathing. Chanyeol pads across his hall and right into the living room. He probably saw Baekhyun's shoes by the door.

"You're still here?" he asks, then switches the lights on.

Baekhyun has to squint against the sudden light. He wants to jump up from the couch and hug Chanyeol because Chanyeol is okay, safely back, and Baekhyun was so worried for him, with no money and phone, wandering the streets all day, but Chanyeol looks like he might bolt any minute, like any sudden movement might spook him.

"Where else would I be?" Baekhyun asks, hands gripping the couch cushion.

"Just...not here." Chanyeol looks so lost, and his face looks much older than it looked as he slept peacefully that morning.

"I was worried. You left everything here," Baekhyun says. You left me here, too.

"I'm back now, so you can leave," Chanyeol says, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands.

"No," Baekhyun says, louder than he wanted. He sits up at last. "Not until we talk about it."

"Which it?" Chanyeol steps from one feet to the other, looking at the ground.

"About how we're soulmates. How you have a mark and didn't tell me? How you knew that you're my soulmate and kept it a secret?" Baekhyun gets worked up as he speaks, legs kicking out on the couch. "How you lied to me."

Chanyeol looks up, eyes dark, lips thin. "When did I lie to you?" he asks. "You never asked me about it."

"How could I?" Baekhyun jumps from his seat. He should have felt it. How did he not feel it?

"I don't know. I thought you're supposed to know when you meet your soulmate." Chanyeol sounds so bitter. "But it's not like you'd ever think of me as one. If you didn't see my wrist, you'd never know."

That's not true. It can't be true. Baekhyun would notice. He noticed today, that's why he woke up. Chanyeol's not fair. He had an advantage. Baekhyun's shaking. He's so angry. Yet his soul wants him to be closer to Chanyeol, to stop arguing with him right away. He doesn't listen. He's starting to think he might be pretty good at that. Instead he gets swept up by the anger inside him.

"How long have you known?" he asks. Suddenly he feels nauseous. "How long? I mean I just paid a huge registration fee. You even went with me. Did you let me go around the Agencies like some fool while you knew all along? Because I'm not a fucking liar. Because I don't hide my wrist like a coward."

Chanyeol keeps flinching, and Baekhyun's saying awful things. He knows it, but he feels so hurt. Chanyeol ran away from him, he doesn't want him as his soulmate, kept it from him. Baekhyun had been so happy this morning, that it's Chanyeol, right there, in his arms.

"Maybe we should talk about how you knew I was in love with you, but never thought of kissing me before tonight,” Chanyeol finally says. “How you fucking knew, still you looked everywhere but at me. And you know that would've been okay. Unrequited love happens. But then suddenly you want me to accept that just one mark on my wrist changed that? How long have you known how I felt and ignored it, Baekhyun?"

"It's not like you were going to do anything about it." Baekhyun shouts. Chanyeol has always only watched from afar.

"And what should I have done about it? When all you ever cared about was a mark on someone's wrist? I asked you. I begged you to stop, made you promise." Chanyeol's blinking hard, like he's trying not to cry. Baekhyun doesn't care about his eyes stinging with tears again. Everything that was ever ugly between them is laid out on the coffee table between them. "You don't love me," Chanyeol says, sounding absolutely sure of that at least. "You'd never think of even trying to date me. Nothing has changed because I'm your soulmate. You didn't even notice. I don't know why you think you can just kiss me now. Being soulmates means nothing. I won't be with you just because of that. I want someone who chose me, not someone who just thinks I'm the best for him because a glitch in nature says so."  
  
"You can't do this to me," Baekhyun gasps, standing up and coming closer. "Don't tell me you don't feel it. You can't just push me away."

Chanyeol closes his eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath. "I'm not pushing you away. I'm just maintaining a status quo," he says. "You're my friend, and nothing has changed just because we're soulmates."

Baekhyun stands there, inches from Chanyeol, wanting to reach for his hand and clasp his fingers around Chanyeol's wrist still hidden in the sleeves of his hoodie. Friends. Baekhyun can only think of betrayal and rejection.

"It's all or nothing for me, Chanyeol. I kissed you because it felt right, and I don't think I can pretend to be just your friend," he says in the end. Chanyeol shakes his head, not meeting Baekhyun's eyes yet again.

"It's all a lie," he says.

Baekhyun walks out of Chanyeol's apartment, shaking like a leaf. He's pretty sure his soul doesn't leave with him.

 

It's physically hard to get out of bed on Sunday, so Baekhyun doesn't. Not until Jongdae rings his doorbell about twenty times at which Baekhyun drags his feet to open the door. He doesn't even look at Jongdae. It's not Chanyeol coming to see if he's okay, coming to take back everything that happened yesterday and hug Baekhyun and tell him it's all going to be fine, so Baekhyun pads back into his bedroom, burying under the covers and ignoring Jongdae walking behind him, sitting on the edge of the bed and poking the lump that he is under the blankets.

"Go away," Baekhyun mutters. Jongdae only sighs and pokes him some more, thin finger jabbing unerringly between Baekhyun's ribs.

"So Chanyeol called me this morning and asked me to check up on you. I told him to do it himself, but he started stuttering excuses about why he can't. I'm going to assume then that you had a fight, but because he's so hopeless he still cares enough to send me even if you probably fought because you put your big foot into your equally big mouth. Now care to fill in the blanks?"

Baekhyun stays silent, fighting the sting in his chest and in his eyes and his rolling stomach, and the dull ache everywhere. Of course Chanyeol sent Jongdae. But Chanyeol is not here, and Baekhyun may have done something awful yesterday.

"Did you know?" he asks, at the end when Jongdae's jabbing turns into soothing circles to Baekhyun's back.

"Did I know what?"

"That Chanyeol has a love mark. We're soulmates."

Baekhyun thinks the silence is as bad as it was yesterday, stretching for too long. Jongdae's hand doesn't stop running across his back though.

"No and yes," Jongdae speaks in the end, as if carefully weighing his every word. Baekhyun ends up digging himself out of his blanket fort at that answer.

"That makes no sense." His voice is hoarse, his hair a mess, unruly and in a need of wash, and Jongdae is looking at him with this strange mix of pity and fondness.

"Oh, Baekhyun. Everyone knows Chanyeol is your soulmate, everyone but you. We've known for ages now. You complete each other's sentences, you stick together like glue, sleep in one bed and cuddle all the time. You always know where the other is, somehow, and you're about two hundred percent happier when Chanyeol is within a one hundred meter radius from you. You're always acting like an overexcited hyperactive pup, but it's enough for Chanyeol to drop his hand on your shoulder or to grab your thigh under the table, and you go all starry eyed and quiet. It's like you lie down with your belly up, patiently waiting to be petted. He looks at you like you're the only thing that matters, and sometimes it's creepy how in sync you are. Honestly, what else would he be if not your soulmate?"

Baekhyun feels the nausea returning, the same sensation he feels every time he lets himself think about how he should have seen the signs, yet he didn't. All he cared about was Chanyeol's wrist and that had been empty, and Baekhyun had choked any other thoughts or feelings before it could sprout, too afraid to miss his soulmate if he got distracted by Chanyeol fitting him a little too well.

Jongdae brushes stray strand of hair behind Baekhyun's ear. "I didn't know he got his love mark though. I wouldn't be surprised if no one knew."

Baekhyun buries himself in his sheets again.

"He was hiding it from me, and I found out and I kissed him, and he told me he didn't want me," he mumbles, his heart in his throat. "Also what you said, it sounds like something from Jongin's book. And you said you haven't been reading them." He tries so hard, to make it all light. It can't be true, what Jongdae's saying. It couldn't have been so easy.

"I don't even know what to hit you for first," Jongdae says. "But know that yes, that's how disgusting you two are, like Jongin's novels, living in each other's pockets."

Baekhyun wants to cover his ears and not listen because now… "It's all gone."

"Of course it's not. You just need to get your head out of the gutter and be the better person for once."

"He said he didn't want me."

Jongdae clears his throat. "Well, that might be a bit of an obstacle. But if he's calling me to check up on you when it sounds like you have indeed been an insensitive jerk, it's probably going to be fine. You're soulmates after all."

"That means nothing to Chanyeol. He pushed me away, Jongdae." Baekhyun's covers are yanked from him, and Jongdae tilts his head up.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have jumped his bones right away. Who even kisses their soulmate the moment they meet them?"

"But it's Chanyeol. He's not just some random person. We've been best friends for ever, and I--"

Baekhyun stops abruptly, biting his lip and wanting to look anywhere but at Jongdae. Jongdae just pulls at his ear.

"Finish that sentence, Baekhyun. Own up and finish it."

Baekhyun shakes his head. "I was just looking for my soulmate," he whispers.

"And how do you think Chanyeol felt when you kept dismissing him while doing so?" Jongdae asks. "Can you really blame him for wanting you to realize how you feel for him first? Or at least to realize that he has the other half of your soul?"

"He said we can't be more than friends, Jongdae." Baekhyun sounds like a little kid, distressed and with all the tears already cried out. He feels exhausted.

"And why it is that you want to be something more right away? If you met your soulmate randomly, you wouldn't kiss them immediately either. You might even find out you don't want to date them. You know that has always been an option. Not everything is soulmates commercial. Why did you kiss Chanyeol, Baekhyun?"

"Because. Just. Because I like him, okay? He's wonderful, how could I not like him?"

"But until yesterday, you didn't want him. You probably even knew how he felt about you, but you purposefully looked away. How do you think that made him feel? Watching you spend all your money and free time looking for someone else? Even if this was just normal love, it would be pretty hurtful. But he's your soulmate, has been for a long time now, and look at you not understanding him one bit."

Jongdae isn't making Baekhyun feel better. He's making it so much worse, and if Jongdae wasn't still holding his ear, albeit now stroking it lightly, just how Baekhyun does to Chanyeol when he's distressed, Baekhyun would be crawling under his bed.

"Please stop," he pleads, and Jongdae softens, his hand stroking down Baekhyun's nape.

"I don't blame Chanyeol one bit for hiding the love mark from you. Now can you forgive him, so you two can make up and be the disgusting couple that everyone knows you could be?"

Baekhyun crawls closer to Jongdae on his bed, dropping his head into his lap. It's not the same as when he does it to Chanyeol, but still he feels some of the dread leave him.

"I found my soulmate," he murmurs. "I found Chanyeol." Beneath all the fear and quickly fading anger, Baekhyun still finds all that elation and joy. His soulmate is Chanyeol.

Jongdae just hums.

"I don't know what to do."

"I think telling Chanyeol how much you like him already might be a good start. Looking past the marks on your wrists might help too." Jongdae makes it sound so obvious.

Baekhyun curls up on himself tighter. It's been the sole focus of his life for so long, looking for his soulmate, checking people's left wrists even before meeting their eyes for the first time, categorizing them as not-soulmate before the first hello, and moving on. Baekhyun doesn't know how to be anything else than half of a lost soul. To be complete is not what Baekhyun expected it to be at all.

 

Monday means work and a novel full of heartwarming romance, a couple of well-placed clichés and a few that need to go on Baekhyun's table. He loves his job, he loves to edit romantic prose, and he's damn good at it, too. Normally, he is. Today it's like salt to a body full of too fresh wounds. Chanyeol's not picking up his phone. Baekhyun is worried and depressed and still at a loss about what to do. He's also incredibly sleepy because he stayed up to listen to Chanyeol's show last night then spent all of it thinking of why Chanyeol wasn't on air, letting one of his colleagues replace him. Is Chanyeol sick? Is he feeling too down to be heard on the radio? How much has Baekhyun hurt him with all that nonsense he shouted, half of which is blurry and lost in the ache taking a permanent residence in Baekhyun's bones, muscles, in his very core. Baekhyun glares at the manuscript, so full of hope and faith, and tries hard to just function. One step at a time.

On his lunch break, at least three people in the bistro across the road from his office check his wrist, and suddenly he feels too conscious about it, his stomach turning. This was him, just a week ago, this was why Chanyeol had been making an effort to hide his wrists for years now, the immediate judgment and dismissal, the sole focus on the mark and not on the person. Baekhyun puts his jacket back on and takes his food to go. It goes cold in his office, as he stubbornly reads page after page of his newest assignment.

 _Cheer up ByunBaek. Don't forget. You're larger than the world._ Baekhyun reads on his phone, a message from Jongdae as he's leaving the office. He bites at the inside of his own cheek and decides a dozen of unanswered calls won't deter him. He takes the train to Chanyeol's apartment instead of his own. In front of his door, he loses all courage. He paces, up and down, and ends up sitting with his back to Chanyeol's door. Maybe Chanyeol isn't home yet and he will come from outside. Maybe he'll decide to take his trash out on Monday, even if he normally never does, because he always empties it after cooking lunch on Sunday. Maybe he'll just need a bit of fresh air.

Baekhyun hears Chanyeol pass by the door two times. Both of those times, his heart rate quickens and he can feel his mark itch, and now he's starting to understand that was a sign after all. He remembers Chanyeol reaching for his own wrist in the bar, and his nails dig into his thighs on the floor. He misses the last train and has to take a taxi home. He figures it's only natural that now that he won't need to spend any more money on searching for his soulmate, he'll spend it chasing the said soulmate instead.

Chanyeol's phone stays unresponsive for a whole week. On Tuesday, the radio airs a rerun of one of Chanyeol's popular shows from the past year. On Wednesday, as Baekhyun sits with his back to Chanyeol's door, he hears a soft thud on the other side, and then something slides down the door. Someone. Chanyeol is sitting on the other side, and Baekhyun's whole being trembles, his heart and soul leaping up into his throat. Just this closeness makes him feel better than he's felt since Saturday. Chanyeol doesn't open the door, and Baekhyun almost falls asleep, finally feeling like maybe he could actually rest well. He's roused from his slumber by a heavy thud against the door then another. He hears shuffling, fading away from the door. If he walks fast, he'll catch the last train. Chanyeol still won't pick up his phone, and Baekhyun's soul still longs too much, to be closer.

 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Baekhyun is miserable without Chanyeol. It takes an angry text from Sehun, demanding Baekhyun fixes his mess, whatever it is, to realize two things. Chanyeol must be pretty miserable himself if Sehun is sending repeated angry messages. And he hasn't told anyone, not even Sehun, what happened on Saturday. Otherwise, Sehun wouldn't be trying to subtly get it out of Baekhyun. And Baekhyun hasn't been mad at Chanyeol for a few days now, camping in front of his door every day this week and feeling a little better for it, because Chanyeol's been on the other side of the door every day since Wednesday, but the fact Baekhyun wasn't the only fool not in on Chanyeol's secret makes him feel a bit better.

 _I'm going to the Agency to deactivate my registration._ Baekhyun types on Sunday evening. _Tomorrow after work. I could use a friend._

Baekhyun's been only calling. This is the first message he types, and it's probably selfish and dirty play, but he has to start somehow. Chanyeol's back on air that night. He sounds subdued, but Baekhyun thinks he's the only one that picks up on it. That Chanyeol is forcing the smile through which he speaks, because according to him, you can hear it in the voice if someone's smiling. This is a late night show, it's not supposed to be boisterous, so it works. At the end, Chanyeol plays a song. The song. The encore, that the first band they went to see together played that night, a cover, but a good one. They stood right under the stage, squeezed together in the crowd, and Chanyeol had wrapped his arm around Baekhyun's shoulders, pulled him into his side, and Baekhyun thought, even back then, that Chanyeol was wonderful. Baekhyun still remembers how Chanyeol smelled of smoke and aftershave, how the lights shone so brightly, in red hues of the color spectrum, from behind the band.

When Baekhyun sees Chanyeol standing in front of the Agency on Monday, he almost runs to him and jumps into his arms. He stops himself, thinking Chanyeol probably doesn't want him clinging to him like a koala. We're friends, he tells himself. Friends, friends, friends. Chanyeol looks tired, dark circles under his eyes more prominent than Baekhyun's because he doesn't subscribe to the magic of BB cream. He's not smiling, a strange sight that tugs at Baekhyun's heart even as it beats faster and he feels himself brighten up, just because Chanyeol's there again, close by, and waiting for him.

"Friends?" he asks, without any preamble when he stops in front of Chanyeol. He hadn't really let himself believe that Chanyeol would come, so the apology, the explanation that he's been slowly composing into the darkness of his bedroom isn't ready, can't make it out of Baekhyun's mouth. The urge to touch, even just to brush his fingers against Chanyeol's elbow is overwhelming. Chanyeol bites his bottom lip. His eyes, boring into Baekhyun, look even bigger behind his thick black glasses, and Chanyeol's whole face twitches, scrunches and relaxes, before he nods. "I'm sorry," Baekhyun blurts out before Chanyeol can say anything, like that it was Baekhyun who set down the ultimatum. "Thank you for coming."

"I felt like I should. Also I wired you the money. For the registration fee. The least I can do is..." Chanyeol trails off, probably noticing how Baekhyun has to fight to keep his shoulders relaxed and his face calm. Chanyeol was always better at reading him. His admittance stings, but the way Chanyeol's closeness makes Baekhyun breathe easier anyway is enough to make Baekhyun try harder.

"Let's go," he just says. He catches Chanyeol looking at his left wrist, where Baekhyun's wearing a bracelet, a silver disc with the word _fearless_ engraved, covering the inside of it. It was a present from Chanyeol, after Baekhyun switched his major from business to literature, and he was absolutely freaked out because his parents weren't happy and his future suddenly became very unsure. Baekhyun's stopped wearing it since, feeling like he has nothing to fear, but with the prospect of Chanyeol fading away from his life, and with his sudden annoyance at people checking his wrist all the time, he's pulled it out again.

"Yeah," Chanyeol mutters. He looms behind Baekhyun the entire way in, the entire time he talks to the same lady that registered him. She asks for a reason, and for a moment, Baekhyun's startled. He feels Chanyeol freezing behind him.

"I met someone," he says in the end. "I think I want to give this a try, to stop looking." It's to this Agency's credit, that she doesn't try to talk him out of it, at least not completely.

"Should we remove you completely out of the database then? We'll stop looking on your behalf of course, but we could still keep you to compare with our clients."

Baekhyun shakes his head. "No. I want complete erasure. I should've done this a long time ago."

The way out is just as fast as the last time, only this time Baekhyun's the one who wants to be out as fast as possible. Outside, he turns on his heel and looks up at Chanyeol.

"Now let me buy you some ice cream, you must be melting in all those clothes," he says.

Chanyeol shakes his head. "I...I think it's enough. For now."

Baekhyun reaches for Chanyeol, grabbing for his sleeve. Chanyeol tries to smile at him. "I'll try to reply if you message me," he mumbles.

Baekhyun feels a wave of confusion wash over him, and for a moment he wonders if it's all purely him. He lets go of Chanyeol.

It's progress, he tells himself. It's hard to believe as Chanyeol walks away from him again, but the constant ache has eased up over the little time spent with Chanyeol, and Baekhyun is slowly learning to listen.

 

It has never been this awkward to text Chanyeol. Baekhyun spends twenty minutes choosing one sticker because every single one of them feels flirty. Baekhyun doesn't want to be flirty right now and keeps wondering how he didn't realize he has a tendency to be that, with Chanyeol.

"You're overthinking it," Jongdae tells him, and Baekhyun drops his head on his desk. The same cheesy novel is still only half edited and Baekhyun doesn't even want to look at it. Things don't go that smoothly in real life, not even between soulmates. Jongdae's come bearing coffee and useless advice.

"Why don't you just talk to him?" he asks.

"He doesn't want to." Baekhyun still doesn't understand why Chanyeol showed up at the Agency because he looked like just looking at Baekhyun was painful. He got the message loud and clear behind his quick escape. Still it felt like effort, on Chanyeol's part, and Baekhyun's been trying three times as much.

 _Jongdae is being a pain in the ass,_ he types up. It's the first message that's whiny and that Baekhyun hasn't checked and rechecked and rewritten. Chanyeol's been curt in his answers and rarely doing more than answering the questions or reacting appropriately.

"I don't want your love advice. It's not like you're any better off than me," Baekhyun says to Jongdae distractedly. He misses the smirk spreading across Jongdae's lips.

"And that's where you're wrong my friend. I have a date with Amber this weekend," he says.

Baekhyun stares. "Are you sure she's just not taking you along because she needs an older brother's advice on some hat choice?" he asks, in the end, when Jongdae's grin is almost unbearable.

"Hey, shut up," Jongdae kicks at him under the desk, but he looks so happy, eyes shining, and the grin not leaving his face.

"Oh my god, it's real. Miracles do happen?" Baekhyun's typing already.

_JONGDAE AMBER DATE THIS WEEKEND_

He licks his lips, and Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him like he knows exactly who Baekhyun's texting and that he's breaking all his self-imposed rules: give Chanyeol time and space, don't come on to him, don't push, act as a friend only, don't push, don't mention soulmates, don't mention romance at all, don't push.

_HE'S ACTING ALL SMUG. LET'S STALK THEM. I WANT TO SEE JONGDAE TRYING TO HOLD AMBER'S HAND_

Jongdae laughs at him, loud and happy. As Baekhyun stares at the unresponsive kakao talk chat room, he's more than a little jealous.

It takes Chanyeol another day to reply.

_Let Jongdae have his first day, Baekhyunnie. Don't be a spoil sport._

It's the first time Chanyeol's called him anything since their fight, and Baekhyun suddenly hurts so much more. He's lying on his bed, but he's not looking forward to sleep. It's always the worst at night, missing Chanyeol. His dreams are fitful and often have Chanyeol leaving Baekhyun behind in more senses of the word than he thought possible. Baekhyun feels hundreds years old when he wakes up. He knows that's mostly his soul craving Chanyeol's and more and more. He doesn't understand how he ever missed it, how it has been content for a long time now with Chanyeol. However, the way Baekhyun feels so cold, misses Chanyeol's legs tangled with his, and Chanyeol's heavy hand on his hip keeping him close, that's all Baekhyun missing Chanyeol, missing his best friend and more.

 _I've been in a foul mood,_ he types.

He regrets it the moment he sends it. Don't push Baekhyun. Don't push.

_the novel I'm editing is so cheesy._

After a while he give up and types: _I'll try to behave._

At that Chanyeol finally sends thumbs up.

 _How are you really, Chanyeol?_ Baekhyun asks in the end.

 _A bit tired. Out of curry powder,_ is Chanyeol's answer.

_Let's go shopping for it this weekend. You can keep an eye on me so I don't creep behind Jongdae and Amber as Jongdae does his very best._

It's been over two weeks since their meeting at the Agency. The registration fee returned to Baekhyun's account doesn't burn his insides anymore. Baekhyun wishes to see Chanyeol so badly.

 _The Japanese food store near your place? Saturday at 3 pm?_ Chanyeol types, after another thirty minutes.

Baekhyun doesn't sleep at all.

 

It feels like this is the first date Baekhyun never really had. He switches his clothes ten times, tries on all his jeans and several dress pants, because that's obviously what he'd wear to shop for Japanese curry powder. His palms sweat, but his heart swells because he's going to see Chanyeol, and he can see for himself how he's been doing and if he's eating well and using his eye drops to keep his eyes from getting too dry. And maybe they could walk next to each other and not feel absolutely awkward or like he wants the ground to swallow him because of all the things he's said which are still hanging in the air between them.

Chanyeol's legs are still bow-shaped and he's still so tall. His shoulders are still broad and his thighs too skinny and his face goes through all these weird expressions when he spots Baekhyun and probably tries to decide what he feels. Baekhyun doesn't manage to resist the urge to touch this time. It's just a brush of his fingers against the lapels of Chanyeol's jacket. He looks so good yet as tired as Baekhyun feels.

"Hi," Baekhyun gets out, his wrist burning, his throat dry.

"Hi," Chanyeol answers, and it's quiet, just looking at each other. Baekhyun wants to kiss Chanyeol again, because it's Chanyeol and now Baekhyun has actual proof that he's perfect, perfect for Baekhyun, and he feels his stomach unknotting at being close again. That hope is there again, but so is the dread because Baekhyun's slowly realizing how much Chanyeol really means to him. He's much more than just a best friend, and Baekhyun kept pushing all the signs away, all the affection and pull of attraction and now that he doesn't do that, it's crashing over him in waves, making him feel guilty and upset with himself and so frantic about wanting things from Chanyeol, wanting everything from Chanyeol that he could give him. He knows this isn't about soulmates as it is about emotions he's been keeping buried under the futile search for a mythical definition of perfection, instead of creating his own.

"You look," Chanyeol takes a deep breath. "You look really nice."

"Is it okay to admit I tried very hard?" Baekhyun asks. It'd be so easy to make a joke of it, or wink at Chanyeol and sing-song "only for you." Instead there's more quiet, and then Chanyeol looks away.

"I don't know what's right and what's wrong right now."

"We'll figure it out," Baekhyun says, determined. "Let's get curry. Lots of it."

They bicker fiercely over whether to get mild, medium or the extra spicy one, like nothing has changed. It's always like that because Chanyeol can't take spicy food, but Baekhyun likes a bit of spice to it, and Baekhyun pouts and frowns and pulls at Chanyeol's jacket, falling on his old ways to get what he wants. For a moment, Baekhyun's world is impeccable. He smiles when they get some of medium and some of extra spicy.

"I'm paying," Baekhyun says with relish. "I found myself with some unplanned big money." He winks, hoping Chanyeol understands, that he's not upset about the fee anymore, not even about Chanyeol lying to him, or not disclosing the whole truth. There's so much more to say and figure out, but he has to start somewhere. In the end, it spoils the mood. Chanyeol flinches, like he's been burnt and doesn't want to take the bag at the register.

"Take it," Baekhyun says anyway. "It's not like I can cook it for myself. I'll just come over to your place when I feel like eating it."

Chanyeol opens his mouth, but like so many times recently, he stays silent, so tongue-tied. Baekhyun squeezes his right wrist as he hands him the bag, holds it longer. I'm not giving up, he thinks, sends the thought Chanyeol's way. Under all that chaos and hurt they got themselves into, Chanyeol hopefully still understands.

 

Texts are better now. Baekhyun occasionally sends a sticker or two, tries not to use the one of a kicked puppy. It's how he feels and how Chanyeol sounds on the radio, but Baekhyun persists with silly stories of Jongin's research and Jongdae's suddenly budding romance. He only gets a bit mad when Sehun texts him asking why he's taking so long. This is for the best, right? Do it like he'd do it with any other soulmate, get to know each other, take it slow. Chanyeol isn't any other soulmate, he's Baekhyun's soulmate and someone that Baekhyun's woven into his life too tight to let go, someone Baekhyun's loved for a long time, even if that's a hard thing to admit. Chanyeol's distance aches acutely, and Baekhyun doesn't even want to imagine how Chanyeol dealt with Baekhyun's dismissal for so long. With his utter focus, and broken promises and random hook ups and disappointment.

 _The kiss was a mistake_ Baekhyun types and deletes the words over and over again.

 _Should we do something again?_ he sends instead. _Maybe we could go stalk Jongdae on his date after all._

Chanyeol doesn't reply right away, and of course he doesn't, he's live on-air and even if before he'd actually check his phone during songs and commercial breaks, and send Baekhyun angry stickers to indicate he's a bother, now the phone stays silent.

It's been over a month since Baekhyun found his soulmate. It still feels like the chase after him is just the beginning.

_Come somewhere with me._

Another song intermission.

_Please._

Baekhyun's almost at the end of the chapter he's editing when his phone chimes.

_Okay._

 

Baekhyun hasn't been to his grandmother's house in a long time. It's been even longer since he's driven here. He rented a car, and picked Chanyeol up. It felt weird being the one behind the wheel. Chanyeol actually looked unsure about the whole thing.

"Are you sure you're okay driving? When was the last time you sat behind the wheel?"

Baekhyun only pouts and shrugs it off. "Of course I'm okay." He's spent two hours driving around the closest parking lot and then driving around his neighborhood yesterday. Driving is like riding a bike, right? You don't just forget it.

"Maybe I could use a navigator though?"

Chanyeol raises an eyebrow. He sees right through all of Baekhyun's bravado.

"Or at least you could talk to me. I'm so sleepy."

It gets worse when Baekhyun's around Chanyeol, because he doesn't feel as miserable as when Chanyeol's on the other side of Seoul and still barely responding. It's like he could finally get some sleep with no vivid dreams of rejection.

"Ah, we need different music then," Chanyeol finally says, and plays around with Baekhyun's phone until it's Girls Generation that plays through the car speakers. He folds his long legs carefully on the passenger seat, and Baekhyun's mouth tugs into a smile. Chanyeol knows him the best.

When he starts singing along loudly, he catches Chanyeol smiling too. His heart swells, his soul mends a little.

 

It doesn't take long for Chanyeol to realize where they're going. He doesn't comment though, not until they arrive and he notices the old roof being thrown down, and a new one half done.

"What happened here?" he asks.

"My vacation house is finally starting to look the part," Baekhyun shrugs. “I called some people. Minseok-hyung owns a construction company, I knew I could trust him and well yeah, I haven't been spending as much money lately.”

Chanyeol stares. "It looks so different."

"I missed this," Baekhyun says. And he means the house, the countryside, the peace of rustling leaves and perfect sky. He also means being here with Chanyeol, witnessing the change, not as slow as when it was just the two of them, Chanyeol actually capable at their small project while Baekhyun tried to distract him from the fact he was doing more damage than good.

They walk through the house, and Baekhyun talks about what he plans to do next, and where his bedroom will be and how there's going to be new, proper plumbing and big windows and hardwood heated floors. He talks about how one day, he'll give up on Seoul with its music and food stalls and move here, put a big piano in the living room and finally learn how to cook and maybe write a book of his own. Chanyeol's heard most of this before, not all of what Baekhyun has to say today though.

"You're the only one I ever take here," he says. "Not even Jongdae's been here, and we went to high school together. It wasn't that far from here."

"I bet that's because I'm the one you can rope into working for free and actually leave some results behind," Chanyeol says. He's more relaxed than he's been when they arrived. He's mostly joking, even if his expression is half serious, half put out, like he's offended.

"No," Baekhyun says, brisk and ruffled. "Don't dismiss yourself like that. Don't dismiss what I meant to say like that. You're important to me."

Chanyeol steps back, but there's not many places he could go. They're in one of the spare bedrooms, and Baekhyun's the one closer to the door. Chanyeol could run, but Baekhyun doesn't think he will, not just yet.

"Yes. I heard that," Chanyeol speaks at last. "I'm your soulmate after all."

Baekhyun nods. He's practiced this so many times, kept polishing his words. They're still so thick on his tongue.

"Yes, you are. But I didn't know that the first time I took you here." Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something, but Baekhyun crowds close to him, presses his fingers against Chanyeol's lips. "I didn't know that when I met you and immediately wanted to be your friend. I didn't know that all throughout college as I stuck to you like glue or when I wrote you a letter every week in the army, like others wrote to their girlfriends, or when I first took you here and told you about my grandparents and about how I imagined my life here one day."

Chanyeol tries to speak again, but Baekhyun shakes his head and pushes his fingers firmer against Chanyeol's lips. They're a bit chapped and sticky from the fruit they ate on the way here. Baekhyun thinks they'd still feel soft and so good if they kissed.

"Maybe I should have known all that time. It should have been clear to me because of how I've always liked your company, how we fit together and how different it felt, your friendship, your everything. But I didn't. Still I wanted to kiss you before, long before last month and I wanted to be close to you, and I never wanted to lose you. Honestly, I am a very selfish person like that."

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol manages to speak this time, and there's still so much hurt in his eyes. Baekhyun's still not done though, he could write an epos about how stupid he was and how much he's sorry. He presses his entire palm against Chanyeol's mouth.

"So really I should have known and should have noticed much sooner, but I didn't. I still felt all those things and they were me, just me. And I worked so hard to push all that away. Because, because here, in this house lived the two people I admired the most growing up, and they were soulmates and they were everything I ever wanted to be with someone, and I was so sure that if I just find that one person, with the same mark on my wrist..." Baekhyun has to take a deep breath. Chanyeol's shoulders are hunched over and his fists are balled up again.

"I used the most obvious mark to guide me and all this time...What I'm saying is that I'm sorry that I never gave you a chance. I was so stubborn, but that's me, and all I wanted was that perfect someone for me. I'm really, really sorry that all this time I kept looking the wrong way. But don't you for a moment think you're not important, or that I'm saying all this just because you're my soulmate. I'm saying it because you're Chanyeol, and I'm so happy you're my soulmate that I kissed you the moment I finally realized. And I love you, and I have loved you for a long time now, only I'm a stupid, stupid person who foolishly thought there could be anyone more wonderful and perfect for my soul, for me. But honestly, every time you fixed another door frame in this house, I wondered how happy remembering it would make us as we grow old here."

Chanyeol's shaking his head, and Baekhyun drops his hand. He doesn't remember how his speech was supposed to go or if he did good, but he tried, and maybe his eyes are a little wet again, and he's betting all on Chanyeol, on that trust that was once there, and maybe it's foolish, but he has to try.

"See, I know how much it means for you to find your soulmate," Chanyeol mutters at last. "I understand. I always have even if I didn't like it. It's why I have never...I never thought that..." Chanyeol is determined as he finally looks into Baekhyun's eyes. His own too are glassy. "It's because I know how important it is for you to be with just your soulmate that it's hard to believe you. I'm not sure I can ever be certain that it's not just the bond. It's so hard to distinguish lately anyway, even for me," Chanyeol stops again, bites his lip.

Baekhyun has to take slow measured breaths. It hurts, Chanyeol's doubts and the realization of how well Chanyeol hides that he feels it, too, the pull to be close and not fight and intertwine their everything. How well he's able to pull away from all that. He still reaches for Chanyeol, holds both of his cheeks.

"I love you. But if you don't believe me then that's fine. I understand. But I chose to selfishly think you still love me. So fight for me. Take me on a date, make me fall in love, let me be so in love with you that you see it, too." He stomps his feet a little. It's childish and silly, but he remembers Jongdae's words. It's totally inappropriate for this moment when he should grovel, but Baekhyun's bigger than life and he's not going to turn his own story into a tragic melodrama.

"Let's date damn it, let's do it all until there's no doubt left. I don't kiss my soulmates on the first date, but for you I made an exception. Now show me it was worth it."

Chanyeol still looks like he might run away, like there's more hurt and doubt in him than will to mend himself, put them both back together. Still his lip twitches a little. Baekhyun jerks his head to get his fringe out of his eyes, challenge in them.

"Park Chanyeol, can you really make Byun Baekhyun fall in love with you? Because this is your chance."

When Chanyeol just silently looks him up and down, Baekhyun drops his hands and his gaze.

"Please take it."

Baekhyun more feels than sees the nod, the brush of Chanyeol's fingers across the nape of his neck. He shivers. His soul feels suddenly too full for just himself to contain it all, reaching out.

 

Chanyeol probably has a list. It starts with a fancy dinner during which Baekhyun spills all their wine because Chanyeol looks dashing and so confident, at least as long as they're talking about the food on the menu. There's a walk around their old campus on Sunday evening, something that feels like it may have been on Chanyeol's list for a long time now as they reminisce, and their fingers brush and Baekhyun's heart aches for more, but he only curls his fingers around the hem of his sleeves and lets Chanyeol set their pace. There's a visit to the big market on Saturday morning when Baekhyun's too sleepy to control the urge to cling to Chanyeol's sleeve as Chanyeol feeds him weird fruits and heavy street food and gets him a cup of the best blend Baekhyun's ever drunk, the one that makes him feel like maybe coffee isn't just an utilitarian drink.

It still gets awkward as they tiptoe around the fact these are dates, around the reality of being soulmates whose souls long to be together, and around the fact Baekhyun wants to reach up on his toes and kiss Chanyeol about ten times an hour. There are times when Baekhyun catches Chanyeol wanting to kiss too, his face softening and his tongue peeking out the corner of his mouth as he steers a chattering Baekhyun out of the crowd's or bike's way. There's an evening when Chanyeol shows up at Baekhyun's apartment and fills up his fridge because Baekhyun's been busy with final edits to Jongin's latest book and has been only texting, a bit desperate, and finally finding use to his sleeplessness. Baekhyun almost tells Chanyeol he loves him then and there, again, the impulse to just hold Chanyeol's face in his palms and kiss all of his face almost too strong.

It's all Baekhyun's never really done, not with anyone, never allowed it, spending time doing mundane or special things together, always a bit in their own world, always on the verge of holding hands or snuggling close or just kissing. It gnaws on Baekhyun's insides how it never happens, how Chanyeol's still so weary of touching. Like that's the boundary that once crossed will offer no return. Baekhyun's soul gets greedier, too. Every time he meets Chanyeol, it's like a piece of it inevitably leaves him to settle in Chanyeol. Baekhyun just can't tell if he's getting Chanyeol's soul in return.

 

Late night movie screening in an almost empty theater is the epitome of that one date where you find excuses to touch in the dark. Baekhyun, after spending the long commercial contemplating the best strategy, ends up being too spontaneous about it to stop. The movie's quirky and fun from the start, and he fidgets in his place in excitement. Chanyeol chuckles from next to him, at him or at the movie, and Baekhyun slides his fingers across Chanyeol's knuckles, Chanyeol's hand resting on the armrest between them, to get his attention.

"Don't make fun of me," he pouts. Chanyeol only shakes his head. "You know how I get at the movies."

Only another five minutes later does Baekhyun realize he hasn't taken his hand away and instead of pulling back, he slips his palm underneath Chanyeol's and presses his fingers between Chanyeol's sturdier ones. Chanyeol lets it go, and Baekhyun tries to chase the end of the dialogue on the screen as his heart hammers in his chest.

The cinema staff wakes them up at the end of the movie, Baekhyun's head on Chanyeol's shoulder, Chanyeol's nose in his hair. It's the best sleep Baekhyun's gotten in a while and he smiles sleepily up at Chanyeol, wide and happy and so open about how all of him is vibrating with joy. It seems to startle Chanyeol, who stares and eventually brushes Baekhyun's hair behind his ear, his thumb tracing the ridge of it afterwards. Baekhyun shivers, leans into it and sighs, and Chanyeol manages to pull away. He walks Baekhyun all the way to his apartment door just like any other day, and Chanyeol can be so ideal, only he doesn't kiss Baekhyun goodnight, once again, and that burns in the pit of Baekhyun's stomach. He ends up grabbing for the back of Chanyeol's shirt, leaning his forehead against his back.

"Just give me a second," he says, breathing in the faint trace of Chanyeol's fabric softener and the spice of his body wash. Chanyeol lets him and doesn't leave before ruffling his hair.

With every day they spend putting the pieces of their souls back together, mismatched and not knowing which part is whose anymore, Baekhyun falls a bit more in love with Chanyeol. His soul is fooled into being mended, but his heart keeps breaking.

 

"Isn't it fucking weird that you're making him work hard and not the other way around?" Jongdae asks Baekhyun as he comes over for a beer.

"Shut up," Baekhyun huffs. "It worked, got him to talk to me more, right?"

"But you already love him." Jongdae shakes his head.

"And hopefully soon he'll understand that because I'm going stir crazy trying to not kiss him."

Jongdae pats his head like he's a little kid.

"You're still so miserable without him. Miserable and looking like you haven't slept in years."

"You should see Chanyeol. At least I make an effort to cover it up."

Jongdae laughs, though Baekhyun thinks there's worry in it somewhere. "I hate to break it to you, but it's kind of futile."

Jongdae is an awful friend. At least Sehun stopped texting him death threats.

 

"I have to drive down to Busan," Chanyeol says when he calls on Tuesday night to cancel their plans to see a live band. He yawns and Baekhyun can see his face, the dark circles under his eyes, and the sunken cheeks. "Got to wake up too early to get there on time, and I won't make it back tomorrow night."

Baekhyun hums. "Excuses. I think you just want to take someone else to see the band. Who bribed you, Park Chanyeol, and what do I do to get my privileges of free tickets to good shows back?"

Chanyeol laughs. "Well, I was actually going to give the tickets to you to take Jongdae or maybe Jongin as a reward for finishing another sure-to-be hit, but now that you've given me ideas..."

It's so good to hear Chanyeol speaking to him so easily, egging him on so that Baekhyun whines and begs.

"Please, please, pretty please," he does just like Chanyeol wants him to. "Ah, this is less effective on the phone. Just imagine my batting eyelashes and wonderful pouty mouth."

Chanyeol chokes mid laugh and swallows heavily. "I'd rather not," he sighs. "I kind of hope to get some sleep."

"I'll get you a huge body pillow shaped like rilakkuma." Baekhyun decides to whine some more, keeping his voice light, and not letting himself be distracted by all the things Chanyeol could mean. "I'll get Jongin to buy it for you when he goes to Tokyo for his autograph session. Just give me the tickets, please?"

Chanyeol's laughing again. "I already sent them to you. You should have them in your office in the morning."

Baekhyun squeals. "Imagine me jumping up and down on my bed like a fool. I'm not doing it because I'm too tired for it, but imagine it," he says.

Chanyeol's smiling, probably very widely, as he speaks again. "Good night, Baekhyun."

This is the one lie they keep perpetuating, pretending like nights they spend apart could be good.

 

It still bugs Baekhyun an hour later, that Chanyeol will have to drive down to Busan at an ungodly hour of the morning. Chanyeol, who's already sleep deprived and tired, on any day, let alone when his sleep is even more reduced. Baekhyun is suddenly scared, his own nightmares providing all the possibilities of what could go wrong.

"This is an emergency," he mutters to himself as he pulls a hoodie over his sleep shirt and pulls out his treasure box. It's easy to locate Chanyeol's key now that there's no list of "not-really-soulmates" to obscure it.

The taxi ride feels too long in the deep night of Seoul, even if Baekhyun's stomach churns with nerves. This might be a bad idea, a really fucking bad idea, yet here he is, riding the elevator up to Chanyeol's apartment, quietly slipping the key into his door, praying he remembers which floorboards creak as he carefully crosses the hallway.

Chanyeol is breathing slowly and Baekhyun thinks, hopes, he's asleep as he slinks underneath his covers. He pushes his back right against Chanyeol's, his very core trembling and then settling into that heavy exhaustion right before a good sleep. There's a faint stutter in the rhythm of Chanyeol's breath, but then it starts up again, long inhales and exhales of rest. Baekhyun, too, falls asleep too fast to do more than pull the covers up to his chin.

 

Chanyeol's gone in the morning, and Baekhyun feels ashamed because the plan was to set the alarm and leave before Chanyeol even wakes up. The sun's high up and Baekhyun feels so much energy that he's about to burst out, his sleep dreamless and so invigorating. He pads around Chanyeol's flat, finding an extra set of towels and toiletries set out for him in the bathroom. His heart flutters, just at that, at the way Chanyeol always makes the effort, even at the crack of the dawn, when he shouldn't bother with anything more besides leaving the house on time. His whole being now is greedy, soul, heart and body, and it results in Baekhyun, knees weak and heart thumping too hard, taking a taxi to work because he's late already, dressed in Chanyeol's too big shirt and jeans that are tight around his hips and middle and too long around his ankles.

 _Got the tickets. Did you arrive safely?_ he makes himself type when he gets into his office and settles in, even as his ears go red at his actions last night, so intruding and daring.

 _I did!_ Chanyeol messages right away.

 _You used the key!_ comes another message, surprising Baekhyun.

He scrambles to apologize. _I know you said it was for emergencies, but..._

Before he finds his words, to express the way he was so worried but not wanting to burden Chanyeol, another message comes.

_No. You don't understand. It makes me happy. You used the key._

Baekhyun stares.

_You never do and I thought you lost it or just didn't want to, but I..._

_I gave it to you to use, I wanted you to. You finally did!_

Baekhyun blinks. Another thing he got so very wrong. Another piece of his heart chips off. Even the pieces he managed to glue back on, are still so fragile.

_I slept really well, wasn't tired on the road at all._

_Thank you._

_NEXT TIME YOU TAKE A TRAIN!_ Baekhyun finally manages to answer.

_so I don't worry_

Baekhyun hasn't even finished typing that up, and he's already out the door, checking for the earliest train to Busan. He will probably look like a fool, showing up in front of Chanyeol's hotel room, in Chanyeol's clothes, to sleep in the same bed with him, so that Chanyeol can drive back safely, and with Baekhyun keeping him company this time, but at this very moment, it sounds like the best idea he's ever had. His soul and his heart agree.

 

Chanyeol looks like a deer caught in headlights, eyes comically wide and mouth hanging a bit when he opens his hotel room door. Baekhyun already knew where he was staying and it wasn't difficult to talk the reception into telling him the room number; he's got game. It's good that Chanyeol's in the room and not roaming Busan, but as he stares, clearly kind of floored, Baekhyun's head screams 'bad idea, bad idea, bad idea!'

"What?" Chanyeol tries, stepping from foot to foot. Baekhyun wants to kiss him so much. Chanyeol looks like he wants it, too. Baekhyun's seen that look on his face, many times in the past years, if he lets himself remember.

"Room service?" Baekhyun says, overly cheerful, showing off his plastic bag. He wanted soju, lots of it, but instead he got strawberry milk and Chanyeol's favorite snacks.

"Booze?" Chanyeol gets out, hands crossed behind his back, like he's keeping them out of the way on purpose.

"I wish, but we're driving tomorrow."

Chanyeol snickers at last. "I'm not letting you drive, Baekhyunnie."

Baekhyun shrugs, his heart stuttering at the name that's steadily making a comeback lately, and steps inside Chanyeol's door.

It takes a while before they talk again, Baekhyun pulling out his very healthy set of junk food and Chanyeol watching him curiously. Only when the plastic bag makes it into a trash can, Chanyeol speaks again.

"You're wearing my clothes," he says.

"Well, of course I am, I wasn't going to go to work in my sleep pants." Baekhyun tries hard for nonchalance.

"You went to work?"

"Of course, didn't stay for long though."

Chanyeol raises an eyebrow. "You just left in the middle of the day? Like out of the blue?"

"Don't worry your pretty self about that. I met Junmyeon on the way out and told him I deserve a spontaneous vacation for getting Jongin through his next hit. And none of my authors will actually die without me if I disappear for two days. I mean Heechul might threaten murder..." Baekhyun trails off. Chanyeol's so close, but he's still not touching, and Baekhyun's whole being yearns to just lean in, drop his head on Chanyeol's shoulder. Maybe Chanyeol would finally hug him like he used to, his long strong arms around all of Baekhyun and Chanyeol's nose in Baekhyun's hair. In the end, Chanyeol just reaches for his neck, making him shriek.

"You are crazy," Chanyeol says, but there's a smile playing around his lips, like he's genuinely happy and losing the battle to hide it. He looks so much better too, the dark circles under his eyes fainter, his eyes so bright, and even his hair looks the cute cheerful messy instead of a sad mop. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm making sure you get home safely," Baekhyun says, dead serious and looking Chanyeol right in the eye. Chanyeol's face goes through million emotions before he smiles again.

"What happened to the concert tickets?"

"Ah, Jongdae likes Amber more than me anyway, that traitor."

Chanyeol laughs then bites his lips. "That seems improbable. Everyone should like you the best."

Baekhyun's thrumming with so much emotions that he has to sit down to breathe through it without the possibility of latching to Chanyeol and never letting go.

 

It's not even that weird to crawl into bed together. They fall asleep with their backs pressed against each other once again. Baekhyun wakes up in Chanyeol's arms though, his nose pressed into the crook of Chanyeol's neck and their limbs tangled hopelessly. It's not the first time, but it feels so much different now. There's the same thrill running through Baekhyun as when he woke up to Chanyeol-the soulmate, for the first time. But there's more happiness than confusion this time, and his heart is beating so fast as Baekhyun breathes Chanyeol in and wonders if he could snuggle even closer. Chanyeol's body is so warm and comforting.

He looks up, watching the curve of Chanyeol's jaw up towards his ear, catching a glimpse of his half closed eyes and fluttering eyelashes, and he wonders what would happen if he kissed up all the way to Chanyeol's temple, maybe pull his earlobe into his mouth. He bites his lip, tries hard to stop himself, and ends up just blowing warm breath over Chanyeol's neck.

"Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol mumbles, startling Baekhyun a bit even if maybe waking Chanyeol up was the aim. Chanyeol pulls at the hair at the back of Baekhyun's head, moves him like a ragged doll so Baekhyun has his mouth full of Chanyeol's shirt, his forehead pressed somewhere close to Chanyeol's heart. "Stop making me squirm." Chanyeol's voice is hoarse with sleep, and Baekhyun's positively trembling now, all the way to his soul and heart. He tries to press closer, to calm himself.

"You know," he mumbles into Chanyeol's t-shirt, feeling it's better that he can't see Chanyeol's face right now. He's so happy Chanyeol's not pulling away. "I'm starting to think that soulmates are all talk and false advertising. That it's not about your soul that much after all. My grandparents too, they probably just loved each other very much." It's kind of the truth because Baekhyun had lost the most important person in his life when he found his soulmate, and it's been eating away at him. The difference between the colorful shots of TV commercials and his reality up until this moment has been so stark. Even now, there are tendrils of dread clinging to him.

"Do you really? Why so laconic all of a sudden?" Chanyeol asks, humming and drawing wide circles into Baekhyun's back with his big, warm palm. "Maybe a few months back, I'd agree, but lately...The other day Sehun caught me and he gave me an earful." He chuckles and gets lost in his thoughts.

"He's been giving me an earful ever since..." Baekhyun keeps bringing back memories that taste bitter on his tongue. "Who knew he could be so mean? But, just, what do you think now?" Baekhyun really wants to hear this. They haven't talked like this in such a long time, and it's just nice, getting to hear Chanyeol's thoughts instead of gauging them and hoping for some mythical telepathic connection.

"Sehun said that I shouldn't be too upset with you just because you needed more guidance to know what we could be. That just because I'm lucky and knew for a long time, it doesn't make you any less perfect for me because you needed the mark as a confirmation. And I wanted to protest, say I didn't know until a few months back, until the mark started to grow and from the very beginning I knew what it was going to look like." Chanyeol quiets for a moment again, so Baekhyun dares to rub at his side, wiggle a little to get him to finish.

"What I think now is that maybe Sehun is right, just a little. That maybe I've felt it all along after all. The pull towards you was so instant. I was so sure that I'd be happy whenever I'm with you right from the start and...I know I love you, I do, but maybe it's never been as clean cut as I imagined, maybe it's always been that I've loved my perfect half, because of who you are, but also because of how easy everything is with you, how my soul has been reaching towards yours from the beginning."

It's silent between them, and Baekhyun chooses not to point out that this is the first time Chanyeol said it out loud, that he loved Baekhyun. He can freak about that internally, he can let it sink into his bones without spooking Chanyeol out.

"Am I being unfair?" Chanyeol asks, his foot sliding across Baekhyun's calf. There's want rising in Baekhyun, another layer added to the mix of all the other feelings in him. He shakes his head.

"I haven't been fair for a really long time, expecting so much of you, not planning to ever give you up." Baekhyun sighs and wonders if they could just not move for the rest of the day. If they could stay here for as long as it takes for Baekhyun's soul and heart to be whole again, completely mended, no edges and frayed fibers left.

"I miss this," Chanyeol mutters after a while, squeezing Baekhyun around the middle. "I miss talking to my best friend, sharing things with him that are hard to share with anyone else."

"Me too." Baekhyun's fingers might be digging too painfully into Chanyeol's side. "I miss you holding me too, and I just...can you have faith in me?"

Chanyeol doesn't reply verbally, but there's a kiss planted on top of Baekhyun's head, and Baekhyun's heart beat is steady and strong and his soul feels healthy.

 

Baekhyun makes sure to be extra loud and annoying on their road up to Seoul. He doesn't want them to fall into a heavy silence, doesn't want them to get too introspective. He refuses to think too much about their morning, to be too hopeful or to make it less than it has been. Instead he makes Chanyeol laugh and sings along with him as the country passes around them.

It's Chanyeol who takes the turn for Yongin and Everland.

"I feel like roller coasters are pretty appropriate for today," he says, when Baekhyun teases him about acting like a teenager on a road trip. "And maybe of you scream enough on the rides, you'd finally stop acting like you're running on too much caffeine."

"It's called feeling alive and great, Chanyeol," Baekhyun sing songs, it's true though, he feels wonderful. He's already googling Everland's rides to pick up what they can squish into their late afternoon.

They may be a bit too old for running from ride to ride, screaming their lungs out and getting their fingers sticky with cotton candy and greasy hot dogs. Chanyeol keeps walking too close, more often than not, holding Baekhyun by the shoulder so they don't stray from each other, and Baekhyun uses the excuse of the fast, bumpy rides to press into Chanyeol's side. His hair is a mess and he's still wearing the same oversized clothes, even if Chanyeol offered to buy him a pink Everland t-shirt to put on instead. Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol likes him better in his own shirt, and he lets himself enjoy the way Chanyeol can't look away from him now, how he's less guarded than he's been in weeks. Baekhyun's so in love, he can't imagine ever being anything else.

They have to leave eventually, and on their way out of the park, Baekhyun makes an excuse to go to the bathroom. Chanyeol only nods and promises to wait at a nearby bench. Baekhyun makes a sharp turn towards a gift shop he's seen. There's a big overpriced white bear in the shop window and about a dozen big red balloons tied to the open door of it. He buys the bear and three of the balloons. Maybe he could be the one doing the whole making his soulmate fall in love thing. Chanyeol could always fall deeper, as deep as Baekhyun so they can never crawl their way back up. The bear totally has a big heart in his hands, and Baekhyun wishes he could show Chanyeol his own just like that, so he'd see how much it beats for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol's not on the bench when Baekhyun creeps up to it. Baekhyun panics a little, looking all around, turning in more and more frantic circles until after futile turn number five, he spots Chanyeol standing a little away from him, staring. His arms are full of an identical bear to the one Baekhyun's holding, only it's light brown. He has five red balloons tied to his wrist, of course he does, and of course he's bought more of them than Baekhyun. Clearly there's more than one gift shop on the most used exit way out of Everland.

He wants to laugh, but he puts on a strict face and walks up to Chanyeol decidedly. "You should never walk away from a meeting place in a crowded amusement park. Why do you always have to try and one up me, Park Chanyeol?" he scolds.

Chanyeol sets his bear next to him without a word, and the next thing Baekhyun knows, he's hugged, tight and close, and it is the bear hug he's missed so much, eating the fabric of Chanyeol's shirt again, his nose squishes against Chanyeol's rib cage and Chanyeol's mouth pressed against Baekhyun's temple. It's not a perfect place for public displays of affection, in the middle of the pavement full of families and teenagers milling about. It's absolutely the worst place for a breakdown, Baekhyun's knees mostly giving up on him as he presses closer and doesn't hear what Chanyeol's mumbling into his hair, something about silly and wonderful and too much.

Someone bumps into them, and Baekhyun realizes his hands are squished between them, still clinging to his bear. His own balloons weren't tied to him, so they're gone, floating above them, and he feels his eyes getting kind of watery again.

"I refuse to cry in Everland," he mutters, pushing away a little, even though he doesn't want to. "What was that for? With no warning either?" He doesn't sound one bit upset, just soppy and touched and shaky, and Chanyeol is looking down at him with so much warmth and wonder.

"I just," he squeezes Baekhyun close again then slides his hands up his arms to hold him by his shoulders.

"You had the same idea, and I just saw you over there by that bench, looking for me all worriedly, with that silly bear and those silly balloons and. And I remembered what I was thinking as I bought this, that you're so lovely and how I want to show you how much I--"

"How much I love you, like the bear with his heart in his hands. Park Chanyeol you're so cheesy," Baekhyun interrupts him, but he's still not sure he can walk on his own, with the way he's shaking like a leaf.

"Are we?" Chanyeol asks, one big palm warm against Baekhyun's neck, squeezing a little.

"If I knew all it took for you to stop being dense was to buy you a big bear and balloons you'll make me lose anyway, I'd have done it weeks ago."

"Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol only says, and he's as close as the big bear between them allows him, leaning down.

"We're in the middle of Everland," Baekhyun deadpans. "And I love you more than anything Chanyeol, but if you think this is a good place for our first real kiss, then you must be out of your mind. There are people everywhere and someone is going to kick us out if you let me come anymore near you because I cannot guarantee this will stay children appropriate."

Chanyeol guffaws, bubbly and happy and somehow awestruck, his forehead bumping against Baekhyun's a little too hard, but Baekhyun doesn't care much, because there's just a breath of space between their mouths and Chanyeol looks very sure about this, about really kissing Baekhyun this time.

"Grab your bear," Baekhyun whispers, pushing the big fluff into Chanyeol's chest hard. "Let's run." He steps away before changing his mind, managing to grasp the second bear sitting next to them, and he does run, as fast as he can with that thing in his arms. Chanyeol's at his heels, choking on laughter and Baekhyun's name.

 

The bears barely fit in their back seat and Chanyeol's balloons fly away too, but then Chanyeol's sitting behind the wheel of his care and Baekhyun's sitting in his lap, uncomfortable with said wheel digging into his back. But Chanyeol's pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, and it's everything Baekhyun could want. They're still probably scandalizing the passengers of the cars leaving the parking lot around them, but Baekhyun doesn't care about much of anything besides Chanyeol's long fingers in his hair and around his hip, pulling him closer. He sighs and lets Chanyeol take his time. The location might be the worst pick ever, but the moment is impeccable, Chanyeol's lips are a little chapped but soft, and his mouth tastes of cotton candy. His tongue, as it licks at the corner of Baekhyun's mouth is warm and thick with promises. When Baekhyun finally sucks at it, fingers gripping Chanyeol's shirt and thighs squeezing on both sides of him, he feels lightheaded, shaken to the core and absolutely happy.

The kisses blend together, and Chanyeol's every breath comes out with Baekhyun's name in its wake. Baekhyun doesn't know how to pull away, letting Chanyeol drag his mouth down his jaw and suck at the skin stretching around his Adam's apple before he pulls him back, tasting him again, tongue swiping behind Chanyeol's teeth and mapping the inside of his mouth, learning the shape of it anew. When Baekhyun finally kisses up Chanyeol's cheek and mouths at Chanyeol's ear, Chanyeol gets incoherent, his chest rumbling with moans against Baekhyun's. It takes forever to slow down, for Chanyeol to soothe Baekhyun enough to just have him resting limp in Chanyeol's arms, heaving deep breaths and blinking what looks like actual stars out of his eyes. When Baekhyun thinks he could move, maybe pull away, let his back have a break, Chanyeol lifts his left wrist to his mouth, kissing over the pulse point first then a bit to the left, where Baekhyun's mark throbs to the rhythm of Chanyeol's heart.

"Hi soulmate," Chanyeol mutters. "You love me."

Everything falls into place.

 

It's probably too cold to be sitting on blankets right by the river this late in fall, but Baekhyun doesn't care much, nursing a cold beer and his mind floating in the clouds soft as those above them. Jongdae's saying something to him, probably how distasteful it is that Chanyeol is mouthing at Baekhyun's neck, whispering things about his day into Baekhyun's hair line when there are other people around. Not that Baekhyun hears him. Jongdae hasn't let go of Amber's hand since they sat down next to him, so he can whine all he wants. It isn't until Chanyeol chuckles, jostling Baekhyun sitting between his legs, that he pulls himself out of his thoughts and pays attention.

"Chanyeol, you look like the cat that got the cream. _Again_ ," he catches Sehun saying, from where he's towering over them. Yixing's with him again, and he waves in greeting. "It's been what, six weeks? Will you ever stop looking smug? It's going to give you ugly wrinkles."

"You're one to talk," Baekhyun shoots back, and Sehun only tsks disapprovingly and flops down, more into Yixing's lap than next to him, yet again. Jongin appears from behind them now, with Soojung and Heechul in tow, and Junmyeon's already strolling towards them as well. He looks like he has more beer and food, bless the man.

"What are we celebrating anyway?" Jongin asks, sitting gingerly next to Soojung and offering her a beer. "You texted us all with direct orders. So bossy. I got so many stickers that my phone froze."

"Your phone is so old I'm still surprised it even does chat," Jongdae says, reaching over to ruffle Jongin's hair affectionately. He purposefully swats at Chanyeol when he retreats. Baekhyun feels Chanyeol's laughter bubbling in his own stomach as Chanyeol leans his forehead into Baekhyun's shoulder. Chanyeol's happiness spreads through Baekhyun like fire, and it's amazing if a little scary, how much Baekhyun's perception to everything Chanyeol has sharpened over the past few weeks.

"We're moving in together," Chanyeol finally says, right when Junmyeon makes it over to them, sounding proud like it was hard to get Baekhyun to do it. It wasn't and not only because Baekhyun still gets nightmares sometimes when Chanyeol's not sleeping next to him. He thinks it will settle, but Baekhyun's not planning to wait and see when it happens. To begin and end his days with Chanyeol makes him too happy to resist, anyway.

"And this is the big news?" Soojung deadpans. "I thought you've been living together for years now. Baekhyun knows your kitchen cabinets inside out, and he doesn't even cook."

Baekhyun laughs.

"Oh god, you're so disgusting, Baekhyun would you do something else than smile like an idiot?" Jongdae swats at him again.

"We're celebrating the fact Baekhyun's finally getting rid of his hole of an apartment. We're thinking of burning that old sofa he bought for it, too" Chanyeol says unperturbed.

"Ah, I'll drink to that. My back still hurts just thinking about that thing," Jongin cheers.

"You wrote your best prose on that couch, Jonginnie," Baekhyun chides, half laughing still. He can't stop. "I'm actually thinking of gifting it to you."

Jongin looks scared for a minute then turns to Chanyeol. "Please make him see reason." Chanyeol only smirks.

"I don't know, maybe we could actually keep it especially for when you come over to binge write your next novel."

Jongin visibly pales.

"Fuck, I didn't realize I will have the two of you talking my ears off now." Soojung pats him consolingly.

Jongdae suggests Jongin just learns how to manage a deadline on his own, and at that Heechul jumps in to argue that deadlines exist to be stretched thin, something about working under pressure, like Baekhyun could ever pressure Heechul into anything. Baekhyun tunes out again, lets the conversation and the laughter of his friends wash over him.

"Why so quiet, Baekhyunnie?" Chanyeol whispers into his ear, pulling Baekhyun's empty can from him and twining their fingers together instead.

Baekhyun doesn't know the answer. So he cranes his neck to kiss Chanyeol, catching just the corner of his mouth and smiling at him, sloppy and cheerful. Chanyeol seems to understand.

Baekhyun will probably be loud and too annoying for anyone but Chanyeol to stand him for long stretches of time again tomorrow. Right now though, with his back pressed against Chanyeol's chest, with Chanyeol's joy over the termination of Baekhyun's lease he watched him sign today expanding in his chest and with his own excitement for the new pair of slippers Chanyeol got him as a welcome gift, he's content to just sit here and let others talk for once. There aren't many words for how complete he feels, grounded and loved, his soul patched up completely, put together with Chanyeol's own. Instead of two perfect halves, it's a patchwork of pieces from the two of them fitting together just right, and his heart is whole, beating in sync with Chanyeol's.

end

 

 **A/N** FBIERDKNVJNJKVBNDFLNVKLFDC better comment when it's not 2 am and i'm not overwhelmed.


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